The FAQ’s are a work in progress…..
Q. Why don’t you identify yourself?
A. It seems fitting somehow that I am only identified by my on-line name. Kind of what it feels like to be the mother of a child but not recognized as such. They know you exist. You are out there somewhere.
But no one knows who you are.
Q. So what’s your story?
A. It’s pretty obvious from the way I write that I am part of the adoption triangle (although I have issues with that name.) I am the mother of a child who was lost to adoption. I have however met my child. He has also met his father.
Q. What are your views on opening up adoption records?
A. I am four square in favour of it when everyone is an adult. No vetoes. No nothing. Confidentiality was not a promise made to me; it was part of the punishment imposed on me. I believe the studies support this view. A very high percentage of parents of children who were adopted WANT to be found. Well into the 90’s percentage wise. I feel sorry for anyone who fears this. They are living in a prison.
Q. I am pregnant and considering adoption.
A. If you think your decision will be to continue with the pregnancy read my post – Suppose you are pregnant…
Q. Tell us about how you found your child?
A. To start at the beginning, when he was born and I had to give my child up, I remember thinking “OK you’ve got me for now but when the child is 18, I’ll be back. And when he was 18, somebody put people in my life who helped me find him. God, the universe, I don’t know but it was as if there was a hand pushing me toward finding him. He was looking for me too.
We met for the first time in the very early morning at the bus station. First words – “All I have to do is look at those eyes and I know you’re my mother.”
Q. How did your child’s adoptive parents respond when you made contact?
A. I contacted my child by letter because I wanted there to be enough time with no pressure to think things over. The adoptive parents did not respond well even though they had told my child all along that they totally supported their searching for their birth mother. I think they saw me as a threat and told my child they would be contacting their lawyer. There have been many promises made to my child of forwarding baby and other pictures to me but it has never happened. A sufficient amount of time has gone by to make me believe it probably never will.
I am jealous of mom’s who have a great relationship with their child’s adoptive families. That’s the way it should be.
