Suppose you are pregnant…

Suppose you are pregnant and it doesn’t look like your relationship will or can turn into a permanent one. Suppose you are young. You are all these things? Then read on.

I’ve been there and I know how terrifying it can be. You feel trapped, frightened and alone. Nothing like Juno.

No matter what anybody tells you, no matter how smart-assed and cool Juno was and no matter how much everyone thought that movie was great, it was, in all aspects, not realistic about the emotions of relinquishing a child for adoption. You will not just give birth and go back happily to play the guitar with the guy you liked or were in love with. And if you do, you will do it by shutting down the part of yourself where you feel and it will take years to get it back, if in fact you do get it back.

Will they make Juno II in eighteen years when Juno may just meet that child and he, who no doubt will be just as smart ass as his mother, will say “Why did you give me up?”

“So I could play the guitar with my boyfriend,” won’t sound like a very darn good reason to Juno or to him.

Statistically, 60% of women who relinquish a child for adoption never have any more children.

If your decision is to continue with your pregnancy, think about it, please. For your sake and your child’s.

Look seriously at your options and your prospects for the long term not just the short term. Think about where you can find support, emotional and financial. Don’t let adoption be a long term solution to a short term problem.

Adoption is no guarantee of a wonderful life. Don’t let anyone convince you that you represent the deprived end of the spectrum and prospective adoptive parents represent the perfect full and happy life end. There are no perfect people. No one can make any such guarantee. It might work out well but then again it might not. Adoptive parents can get divorced, die, fool around on their spouses and maybe even sometimes not be warm and loving to the kids, just like everybody else. They may have money and you don’t but, money does not guarantee love. The United Nations has said that it is a child’s right to be raised by it’s own parents.

Don’t listen to people who want to get their hands on your baby or people who just want the whole problem of your pregnancy to go away. Giving a baby up for adoption may seem like a short term gain but it is long term pain.

I am a happy person, I don’t want to be angry or bitter or anything else. I am married. I have a family and a dog. I have two university degrees. A good life. I don’t feel guilty but I do feel that giving my child up for adoption was a BIG mistake.

You have the benefit of our voices. Listen to them. We didn’t have that. I know you are probably young and frightened but please – just think.

Peace

UM

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