Thanks-Giving Item #4 My Daughter

ImageChef.comThis is a big reason to give thanks over there to the left. My daughter.

If I had never met my son, I would never have had my daughter. She was born about a year after I met him. If he had been unwilling to meet with me, I don’t think she would be here.

If you had met me back then, before I found him, you would have thought (and of course you wouldn’t have known about him probably) I was a person who didn’t like kids particularly. The thought of being pregnant sent me into a panic. To me, being pregnant was equal to complete loss of any control over my life.

Just a few fears left over from the first pregnancy – I don’t think I realized it then but I think that is what was happening.

Shortly after I met my son, I knew that I could have another baby and it would be OK. He lived with us shortly after she was born and, of course, to her he was just her big brother. Which was great on one hand but on the other hand, I knew someday I would have to tell her the truth, that I had not raised him.  I told her when she was about 5. She was very understanding and gave me a big hug and said she thought she was very lucky.

I feel very lucky to have her too. She’s grown up now, in her 3rd year of university. But in having her I did learn that I knew lots of things about being a mother, I knew them naturally. I was OK.

I will always feel I owe my daughter and the experience of being the kind of mother I never got to be with him – to my son.

Ironic but true.




2 Responses to Thanks-Giving Item #4 My Daughter

  1. Again you took my breath away. I thought I wanted more children have losing my son, hoped to, but put myself in life positions which prevented it. When I finally did marry and I could have, I decided not to. I truly believed that I was unworthy, undeserving and would not be a good mother. I am SOOOOOO glad it worked out differently for you, that you have your daughter.

  2. suz says:

    very very common experience. i also wanted no more children. sought to marry a man that did not want them. married him and then struggled when he changed his mind. had my son, never regretted it, and he, darling child, helped me realize i am and always could be a good mother. yes, i can relate.

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