Who’s Your Daddy II

There are two parts to this post. The first is this item from the Family Preservation Blog. The second is a reaction to this news story that I read on a local newspaper’s website.

First, Part One from the Family Preservation Blog on Sunday, December 20, 2009

Ontario Disallowed Father’s Names

An issue of great concern for my colleagues at the Canadian Council of Natural Mothers (CCNM) is that when mothers relinquished, and gave the father’s name, wrote it in on the forms for the birth certificate – it was deleted, whited out, expunged.

Now that the records have been opened, adoptees are finding their mothers but not [their] fathers.

Karen Lynn of CCNM says they went to great extent with photo copying secions of the forms that were whited out so that the dotted line she KNOWS she wrot eon appears to be in tact!

Apparently, the law, up until 1986, forbade listing the father’s name on birth registries or adoption papers for children of unmarried mothers unless both mother and father demanded it. So only some 10% of those documents identify a father.

Part Two:

I originally read the report of this story on the on-line version of the local newspaper. Because it is on-line there is the opportunity to comment. The first comment tells adoptees not to worry about finding their fathers because children who are given up for adoption are rarely the products of long and loving relationships. (This person needs to watch the first episode of Find My Family or check out my post, The 40 year Secret.)

Excuse me?

All you mothers out there – How long had you been going out with your child’s father?

For me – it was 4 years when I got pregnant.

These old myths about us die a hard death?

And what makes me saddest of all is some people don’t even know how much they have been brainwashed into believing what people would like them to believe.

Peace

UM

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4 Responses to Who’s Your Daddy II

  1. Jasmin says:

    I had been going out with my boyfriend for close on 4 years when I got pregnant, we were to be married and he renegaded the day before the wedding. A very painful part of my life. I spent many years believing that I just was not good enough. The father lived to seriously regret his decision.

  2. maybe says:

    I became pregnant about 6 months into our relationship. We continued to see each other throughout my pregancy and I hoped for marriage or at least a commitment on his part to be a good father. No dice. He was unable to “man up” and I’ve since learned that this tragic flaw has never left him, sadly. We even continued to see each other off and on over a year or so after the birth of our son which I now recognize as my attempt to grasp onto anything to keep me from completely falling apart.

  3. unsignedmasterpiece says:

    A similar story. I was devastated too. Sometimes I think that is part of the reason some mothers don’t want to be found – a very painful experience – the birth and the break up.

  4. maryanne says:

    I had been going with my son’s father for almost two years when I got pregnant. I considered us almost engaged, as he had given me a ring with little diamonds for Christmas, although not an engagement ring, and we had Sunday dinner at my parents or his parents almost every week. I was at his sister’s wedding and Midnight Mass at his ethnic church.

    Unknown to me, he had started seeing another girl on the side, and when I told him I was pregnant he told me about her and that he no longer loved me. I was totally heartbroken and devastated.

    No one-night stand here, but a long-term loving relationship where the rhythm method (we were good Catholic sinners) eventually failed, When he would not marry me I fell apart. Our son went into foster care after birth and then I surrendered, the biggest mistake of my life.

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