It’s Complicated…

I have reason to drive, on occasion, through Avril Lavigne’s hometown.

I like her song Complicated. It’s catchy, it contains some good advice and it was one of the songs I listened to on the road the last time I went out to visit my son.

It reminds me of him because of the trip and because I would like to say to him “Why’d ya have to go and make things so complicated?”

There are lots of things I would like to do with my son but it feels like all he wants to do is be angry. Now, some of you out there might say he has a right to be angry at me and I suppose that that might be true.

If adoption was the subject of the angry tirades I would be glad to talk about it.

Of course, it might be hard to generate a real argument about adoption, generally or personally, because I probably agree with him. For different reasons, our experience with adoption was not good.

I wonder sometimes if that is part of the problem – the fact that I do agree with him. It is hard to argue with someone who agrees with you. Kind of cuts things short. So if you want to stay angry – you have to find some other things to be angry about. And if you don’t really have something then you have to make something up and you then you have to cling to it.

I do not mean to suggest here that I am a perfect person – far from it. I don’t mind taking the heat for things I have actually done. I don’t mind apologizing for things I have actually done if I think they were done in error or have hurt some on.

But I’ll be darned if I’ll apologize for things I didn’t do.

There are so many other things that we could do together. Talk about together. Laugh about together. Maybe even cry about together.

Because like Avril says…

Life’s like this… you fall and you crawl and you break and you take what you get
And turn it into

Oh how I long for some…





4 Responses to It’s Complicated…

  1. unsignedmasterpiece says:

    Adoption works well and without any downside for only one part of the adoption triangle.

    The fact that my son is so not in touch with the true source of his anger really worries me.

    However, I have to say I truly believe it is not just the fact of his adoption but his adoption experience that is at work here.

  2. Lorraine Dusky says:

    Walking down memory lane..hmm?

    My daughter did not understand her anger,I think, but it was why she could cut me off at any moment. As one adoptive parent/psychologist once said in court:

    Adoption is always painful.

    I say: It hurts the giver and the given.

  3. Denise says:

    It took me several years to work through the buried anger that I had toward my parents, my son’s father, the attorney, the doctor, society. None of whom ever apologized to me BTW. My son doesn’t seem to want to work through his anger. I’ve tried to help him do that. But he just stays angry and he wants to take it out on me. Ultimately I had to say no, stop, no more. And that’s where we are.

    UM, I understand completely. ((((HUGS))))

  4. Suz says:

    Of course you know I undertand. Hugs to you. Standing right by you holding your hand. Complicated indeed.

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