From my itouch

I guess I really have to get over this. This tendency to go silent every time I get another indication of just how much animosity my son bears toward me and how troubled and misguided he is.

So what happened. Well it all started innocently enough. Dinner with an old friend. I was looking forward to it. My friend is also a birth mother and, in fact, we met because we met our kids on the same day some twenty years or so ago.

Over the course of dinner she told me that my son had contacted her by email and the reason for the contact was to trash me. Apparently it wasn’t a very nice email. My friend being a birth mother and wise responded by saying that adoption is complicated and that she knows that I love him.

Now you may think that it was the trashing of me that upset me. Not really. I knew my friend was not going to think any less of me. What upset me was the fact that he would do such a thing because as most people have said, his actions say way more about him than they do about me.

Oh how I wish he would direct all this anger where it belongs – at the institution of adoption. But I don’t think he knows enough to know that yet

I could say much more but I don’t want to. I’m still cognoscent of everyone else’s privacy or maybe I just feel if you can’t think of anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.

And so the blog goes silent for a while while I try and get my head around all this yet again.

This is the first time I have tried posting from my itouch so I hope it works.

Peace

UM

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5 Responses to From my itouch

  1. Margie says:

    Oh, UM, I am so sorry. *sigh*

    It’s just so ridiculously complicated. And you are right, he should direct his anger at adoption, not you. I hope someday he figures this out.

  2. unsignedmasterpiece says:

    My son and I were in reunion for many, many years before things blew up. The last few years it feels like I am talking to a different person. Now I don’t know if I can even believe any of the things he said to me because that person would not be behaving like this person if they were true.

    He now lives on the other side of the country – your side – I visited him for a week a couple of years before the troubles and we had a wonderful visit. He had tears in his eyes when I was leaving.

    But it’s been almost 5 years since the trouble started.

  3. UM, I’d like to get to understand a bit more about our reunion. Does your son ever get together in-person with you? Do you get many opportunities to get together and just “share life”?

    Have you had much in the way of opportunity to inquire about his anger when he is together with you, in-person?

    How did you describe your story of separation with him? It is a story of coercion, or a story of “choice”?

    I can’t imagine how hard it would be to have my lost child angry at me. I hope that there are ways of getting through to him about this.

  4. Suz says:

    ugh. yeah. hugs to you.

  5. CarolynC says:

    I truly hope that someday your son grows up enough to see this situation more clearly and perhaps even apologize for his hurtful actions. My thoughts are with you.

    And never be sorry for being silent occasionally, many birth mothers (myself included) go silent on this emotionally exhausting journey. I’m just grateful to read your blog whenever you feel able to update.

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