String Theory

Don't Stop!

My son left a comment on my blog a month ago today.   It was on the post  “From my itouch.”

I am not going to approve the comment because it is more of the same or at least the first few lines are the same as what I have been getting the last few years.

I didn’t read any more than that.   We haven’t talked for quite a while.  I don’t think he has read my blog before.  I started it about two years after all the trouble began.

I haven’t written here for a long time.  I think part of it is if you can’t think of anything nice to say don’t say anything.  That’s kind of how I feel about adoption. (Read from my itouch at ) But because of what happened I thought I would dust off the old blog and share.

There was something very interesting about all this.

During the night of February 16th.  I had a dream.  I don’t dream very often.  At least I don’t remember that I dream.   But the dream that I had that night was particularly vivid.  So vivid that when I woke up I was relieved to discover it was only a dream and I wrote it down. (I mean, after all, I am a writer.)

In the dream someone was yelling at me and I was fighting back, standing up for myself.   Emotions were very high.  It was very intense.   At the end of the dream, I was running away from a hospital with a baby in my arms.

Now, that dream with that ending could mean a whole lot of things in my world.  But…the next day, February 17th,  my son left the comment on my blog.

I believe there is a connection between mothers and their children.   Whether the children are happy about it or not.   I don’t think I’m the only one who thinks that.   I believe there are strings that don’t get cut no matter what happens.  The emotional mood of the conversation in my dream was very much like the last conversation I had on the phone with my son.   I think he was thinking about me, maybe he was even thinking about that conversation,  and I tuned into it.

He and I used to talk about this sometimes.  About how on occasion there seemed to be a little mental telepathy at work between us.
I don’t know how he would feel about the mental telepathy thing today.  He’s changed his mind about a lot of things.  He’d probably deny it.  But you won’t convince me that that dream followed by his comment were just coincidence.

So despite the on-going accusations, I was kind of encouraged by this.   Why?  Because like the sign says I won’t stop believing that someday he may open his heart again and  come to see things differently.

Maybe there really is something to string theory.  Maybe in some parallel universe my son and I are getting along just fine.

Peace and Happy St. Patrick’s Day!



2 Responses to String Theory

  1. joy21 says:

    Me too, me too. That is why I think the adoption stuff is so hard, that there is a gravity that is always pulling on us in such unfriendly circumstances. Like water finds water.

  2. Denise says:

    So much unconscious stuff at work… in our own heads, and I do believe in our connections with others, especially our children. I have a friend who insists there are no coincidences. Perhaps she’s right…

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