adoption, Reunion, reform, reality**
We made it through the first word. I have been dealing with elderly parent issues today and so I am posting a little (12 hours) later than usual.
You probably wouldn’t believe it to listen to me now but when I set out to find my son I expected to find that all the promises that had been made to me by the adoption agency had been kept. That he was happy and healthy. That he was well-loved. I expected to find him, at eighteen, on the verge of going to university. That was one of my prime motivations. They convinced me that if he stayed with me, that would not happen. He would never go to university like I did. When I saw through my search who his adoptive parents were, I was happy. It looked good.
When I met him, I discovered that those promises had not been kept. Yes, he had been adopted by a wealthy family. But, if what he told me is true, it was not always a happy life. He experienced a prejudicial attitude toward his family and culture of origin. He was struggling in high school. He experienced losses that were almost as traumatic as his loss of me may have been. Some of the losses were beyond his AP’s control. Some were not. He hadn’t had it so easy.
I was thinking about this when I was reading about what was going on at Penn State. I was thinking about the promises that were made to all of us and are still being made to young women today. I was thinking about how naive we were to believe those promises. The science is just not that sophisticated. It never could be.
Gerry Sandusky, the relentless pedophile, was the adoptive father of six. Some of whom were boys.
Let me make this clear. I am not suggesting in any way that anything like the accusations that have been levelled against Sandusky went on in my son’s adoptive family. In fact, I have seen no evidence that it went on in the Sandusky family.
But I cannot help thinking about the mothers of those six children. Maybe they received non-identifying information about what their child’s afather did for a living. Maybe they relinquished in a state that followed his career path exactly and they have put two and two together and always kind of wondered if perhaps their child ended up with him. Maybe they have even had a reunion and they know that their child did end up in the Sandusky family.
But, if there have been no reunions, I bet there are mothers everywhere who are wondering; Did my child end up in that family?
And I bet they are feeling a little sick.
I have heard adoptive parents say, hey we aren’t perfect. But that’s not what we were told. We had imperfect covered remember. You were supposed to be the opposite of us.
** For new readers, I am working through the letters in these words as my writing prompts during NaBloPoMo 2011.