adoption, reunIon, reform, reality**
I’ve been there and I know how frightening it can be. You feel trapped,terrified and totally alone. So please read on.
Here are a couple of things you should know.
Statistically, 60% of women who relinquish a child for adoption never have any more children. You need to remember that. You may not have other children.
The first question every adopted person asks when they meet their parents is “Why was I given away?”
If your decision is to continue with your pregnancy, think about it, please. For your sake and your child’s.
Look seriously at your options and your prospects for the long term not just the short term. Think about where you can find support, emotional and financial. Don’t let adoption be a long term solution to a short term problem.
Adoption is no guarantee of a wonderful life. Don’t let anyone convince you that you represent the deprived end of the spectrum and prospective parents represent the perfect full and happy life end.
There are no perfect people. No one can make any such guarantee. Adoptive parents can get divorced, die, fool around on their spouses and maybe even sometimes not be warm and loving to the kids just like everybody else. They can abuse their kids. They may have money and you don’t but money does not guarantee love. Even the United Nations has said that it is a child’s right to be raised by it’s own parents.
Don’t listen to people who want to get their hands on your baby or people who just want the whole problem of your pregnancy to go away. They are thinking of themselves not you and your baby. Giving a baby up for adoption is short term gain for long term pain. Do not go to a lawyer that works with an adoption agency to find out what your rights are. Do not be coerced by pre-birth “bonding” with prospective parents. That baby is yours not theirs.
Listen to what we mothers have to say. You have the benefit of our voices. We didn’t have that. I know you are probably young and frightened but please – just think.
No matter what anybody tells you, no matter how smart-assed and cool the character “Juno” was and no matter how much everyone thought that movie was great, it was, in all aspects, not realistic about the emotions of relinquishing a child for adoption. You will not just give birth and go back happily to play the guitar with the guy you liked or were in love with. And if you do, you will do it by shutting down the part of yourself where you feel and it will take years to get it back, if in fact you do get it back.
Will they make Juno II in eighteen years when Juno meets that child and he, who no doubt will be just as smart ass as his mother, will say “Why did you give me up?”
“So I could play the guitar with my boyfriend.” It won’t sound like a very darn good reason to Juno or to him. “And oh yeah, my guitar playing boyfriend. He’s your father.”
Juno is to adoption as Pretty Woman is to prostitution.
I am a happy person, I don’t want to be angry or bitter or anything else. I am married. I have a family and a dog. I have two university degrees. I don’t feel guilty but I do feel that giving my child up for adoption was a BIG mistake for both of us.
Think twice and then think about thirty more times.
** For new readers, I am working through the letters in these words as my writing prompts during NaBloPoMo 2011.