adoption, reunion, reForm, reality**
November 19, 2011
“Keep telling your stories. Keep making each other visible.”
Did you say that Gloria? I read that you did.
I wanted to write to you about it Gloria because I am a mother who lost a child to adoption.
I wanted to write to you because I and many other women, we have been trying to do that Gloria. But sometimes, well, we get the feeling that, okay I’m going to say straight out, we get the feeling, Gloria, that feminists, they don’t want to hear about us. They don’t want to hear our stories. They don’t want us to be visible.
Why would that be, Gloria? We don’t get it.
We are women. We were penalized by the patriarchy for having sex without being married. We were penalized for expressing our sexuality.
We were shamed we were hidden away. We were put in an adoption closet. You like to fight that kind of stuff, right?
You said: “A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after.” Well that’s us Gloria. So I kind of thought that that would mean we would get a little help or even a little empathy from the sister hood. After all, you said: “Empathy is the most radical of human emotions.”
Maybe in this case we are asking feminists to be a little too radical. Maybe that’s the explanation.
Otherwise, why would a group of people who are supposed to be about fighting oppression and promoting education want to suppress the voices of one part of that group.
Now I know suppress is a pretty strong word but that’s the way it seems to us.
And I always thought that the group that tries to suppress the other group they are, like, the oppressors.
We are kind of worried about this because you said: “Having someone who looks like us but thinks like them is worse than having no one at all.”
Sometimes Gloria, we think that is what is happening. We see people who look like us but think like them. The people who wanted our children. Sometimes we feel we do have no one at all, except each other.
When you realize that well you don’t feel good. It makes us feel sad. It also makes us feel angry. I know you understand what I mean because you said: “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”
And frankly we are getting a little pissed off. We hear, for example, that Ms. has never really published anything about our situation. That makes us really pissed off.
And Ms. isn’t the only place where we feel our situation has been ignored. Some us have approached other feminists organization and been told that while there is sympathy for our situation there are adoptive mothers who work there or adoptive grandmothers or aunts. And well to suggest something was up with adoption, to suggest that there might have been some oppression of women involved in adoption, that wouldn’t go over to well. And so our voices are silenced.
But not for long because as I’m sure you’ve noticed some of us are getting older and you said:
“Women may be the one group that grows more radical with age.”
We are in there fighting to be heard.
Well thanks for listening Gloria. Before I sign off, I wanted to throw in another quote. It isn’t from you this time. It’s from a man. I hope you
don’t mind. His name was Gandhi.
He said: “First they ignore you, Then they laugh at you, Then they fight you, Then you win.”
That’s where we hope we’re headed. We hope you decide to join in the struggle. We think it’s a worthy cause. One that fits right in your mandate. We’d like to have you on board.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Peace and Up the Sisterhood!
** For new readers, I am working through the letters in these words as my writing prompts during NaBloPoMo 2011.