adoption, reunion, ref0rm, reAlity**
If there was one thing I wanted for my son is was that he be well-loved not just by his adoptive parents/family as a child but all through his life.
A long time ago a priest told an assembly at my school that love is the willing of good to another.
This definition, simple though it may be, is one of the most accurate I have ever found.
It speaks to the selflessness of love. Someone who loves you always has your best interests at heart. Your interests over their own.
Thinking this was what I wanted to write about today I started looking for other sayings about love. I was trying to find the one you often hear at weddings. Love is kind, love is etc. Haven’t found it yet but came across a few others.
Like this one:
We can only learn to love by loving.
Or this one:
Never marry the first person you see Casablanca with.
Or this one:
Love consists in this: that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other.
Rainer Maria Rilke
When I was at the adoption conference in Boston last year I heard adoptee Kate St Vincent Vogl speak. She said when she reconnected with her first mother, her adoptive father said you can’t have too much love. I hope I have this right because I think Kate’s Dad is quote worthy too.
As new babies are being born into our family and I sit with other family members prior to their birth, I always think of how your life begins long before your official arrival date. There is a whole circle of love waiting with happy anticipation. I can’t help but think that somehow those babies truly do feel the love that is waiting for them.
How sad that our children didn’t have this with their own families. As I write this I just shake my head and wonder who thought that it was a solution to anything to just give that baby away no matter who else’s problem that was going to solve.
Yesterday I turned on Dr. Phil. I am somewhat ashamed to admit I sometimes do that to mock. But yesterday the show was about adoption reunion. It was The Locator guy. The guy who says he rebuilds families.
There were three sisters looking for their sister who in fact was looking for them – or anybody! Some family.
Sadly the adoptee’s mom had died but when they brought her on stage they unveiled a photograph of her mother and for the first time she looked upon her mother’s face. It looked very much like her own. And although I was holding it together I let out a little cry. A half a sob. Involuntary.
The adoptee had not had a good adoption experience and her new found sisters told her that their mother changed after the adoption which they only understood much later. She became angry, abusive and bitter. The adoptee was the result of an affair in the midst of a divorce. Because of the adoption everyone’s life took a hit.
The sisters were all very happy to have found each other. And though I know reunions can often be a rocky road, (Boy do I know.) I felt good about these four women who looked so much alike and who were trying to reclaim the family that was taken away from them all in many and different kinds of ways.
They gazed upon each other with great affection in their eyes. I wish them well.
I never did find the wedding ceremony quote about love but I did find this one.
To love a person is to know the song that is in their heart and to sing it to them when they have forgotten.
If you have someone in your life make sure you do this for each other.
Who could ask for anything more than to be reminded of who you really are.
That is a real gift of love.