The FAQ’s are a work in progress…..
Q. How often do you post?
A. Unsigned Masterpiece posts once a month. Around the 20th. This is because I am trying to write (finish) a novel.
I took part in NaBloPoMo 2011 so I was posting every day during November.
Q. Why didn’t you identify yourself in your earlier posts?
A. At first, it seemed fitting somehow that I was only identified by my on-line name. Kind of what it feels like to be the mother of a child but not recognized as such. They know you exist. You are out there somewhere.
But no one knows who you are.
But I do know who I am. My name is Marianne Miller. I am married, a writer, a lawyer and the mother of two.
Q. So what’s your story?
A. It’s pretty obvious from the way I write that I am the mother of a child who was lost to adoption. I have however met my child. He has also met his father.
Q. What are your views on opening up adoption records?
A. I am four square in favour of it when everyone is an adult. No vetoes. No nothing.
Confidentiality was not a promise made to me; it was part of the punishment imposed on me. I believe the studies support this view.
Studies show, a very high percentage of parents of children who were adopted WANT to be found. Well into the 90’s percentage wise. I feel sorry for anyone who fears this. They are living in a prison.
Q. I am pregnant and considering adoption.
A. If you think your decision will be to continue with the pregnancy, I have a page tha I will send if you contact me. It;s called – Suppose you are pregnant…
Q. Tell us about how you found your child?
A. To start at the beginning, when he was born and I had to give my child up, I remember thinking “OK you’ve got me for now but when he is 18, I’ll be back. And when he was 18, somebody put people in my life who helped me find him. God, the universe, I don’t know but it was as if there was a hand pushing me toward finding him. He was looking for me too.
We met for the first time in the very early morning at the bus station.
His first words – “All I have to do is look at those eyes and I know you’re my mother.”
Q. How did your child’s adoptive parents respond when you made contact?
A. I contacted my child by letter because I wanted there to be enough time with no pressure to think things over.
His adoptive parents did not respond well even though they had told my son all along that they totally supported his searching for his birth mother.
I think when I contacted him they saw me as a threat. They told my son they would be contacting their lawyer.Fortunately, I am a lawyer so that wasn’t much of a threat.
There were many promises made to my son of forwarding baby and other pictures to me but it has never happened. A sufficient amount of time has gone by to make me believe it probably never will.
I met one adoptee whose adoptive parents said when she found her mother – there is no such thing as too much love.
I am jealous of moms who have a great relationship with their child’s adoptive families. That’s the way it should be.
Q. Why do you blog?
A. I ask myself that question frequently. I blog primarily because I think this information should be out there. There is a lot of misinformation out about adoption. It is weighted heavily toward adoptive families in my opinion and I would just like anyone who is considering adoption as an option to really think it over for the sake of themselves and their child. I think the circumstances have to be very extreme before it is even considered as an option.
Q. What’s the most popular post on Unsigned Masterpiece?
A. “Sorry for the Inconvenience.” A short post about how the adoption agency never told me my son would go straight to foster care because he was the child of a Catholic and they had no Catholic families looking to adopt at the time he was born.