Helen Gurley Brown (and adoption)

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Go to Birth Mother First Mother Forum and read the link between Lorraine Dusky, Helen Gurley Brown, Cosmopolitan Magazine and early adoption activism.

Lorraine freelanced for Cosmo and also wrote BirthMark.  One of the earliest books about birthmothers’ experience of adoption loss.


Who’s Your Daddy II

Sunday, December 20, 2009

There are two parts to this post. The first is this item from the Family Preservation Blog. The second is a reaction to this news story that I read on a local newspaper’s website.

First, Part One from the Family Preservation Blog on Sunday, December 20, 2009

Ontario Disallowed Father’s Names

An issue of great concern for my colleagues at the Canadian Council of Natural Mothers (CCNM) is that when mothers relinquished, and gave the father’s name, wrote it in on the forms for the birth certificate – it was deleted, whited out, expunged.

Now that the records have been opened, adoptees are finding their mothers but not [their] fathers.

Karen Lynn of CCNM says they went to great extent with photo copying secions of the forms that were whited out so that the dotted line she KNOWS she wrot eon appears to be in tact!

Apparently, the law, up until 1986, forbade listing the father’s name on birth registries or adoption papers for children of unmarried mothers unless both mother and father demanded it. So only some 10% of those documents identify a father.

Part Two:

I originally read the report of this story on the on-line version of the local newspaper. Because it is on-line there is the opportunity to comment. The first comment tells adoptees not to worry about finding their fathers because children who are given up for adoption are rarely the products of long and loving relationships. (This person needs to watch the first episode of Find My Family or check out my post, The 40 year Secret.)

Excuse me?

All you mothers out there – How long had you been going out with your child’s father?

For me – it was 4 years when I got pregnant.

These old myths about us die a hard death?

And what makes me saddest of all is some people don’t even know how much they have been brainwashed into believing what people would like them to believe.



Before you have a reunion…

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

you have to have information.

I understand there may be some adoptees marching for their right to know who they are today in New Orleans so this is for them.

When all the studies say that mothers of children lost to adoption want to be found, why do people keep perpetuating the myth that records should not be opened because the “birth mother” was promised confidentiality.

As a mother, I can tell you no such promise was made to me. A penalty was imposed on me, that I would never know my child. It wasn’t what I wanted. Of course, that didn’t stop us. we searched for each other and we met.

If you are the mother (or father) of a child who was adopted and you’d really like to meet that child, speak up, make your views known.



Not all adoption all the time

Monday, July 14, 2008

It is a beautiful day here, high above the river. The wind is strong and the waves are crashing over the breakwater. The trees below me are bending and bowing. The sun is shining.  It is, as I said, a beautiful glorious day.  A day on which you are happy to be alive.

I have been reading recently that some of the adoptees are getting tired. Tired of having to be well behaved and perfect and please everybody. I can empathize with that.  Where are you in all of it? Because really the first person you have to please is yourself. Many of us have learned the hard way what happens when to thine own self one is not true.  I get tired of it all too sometimes.

But even when I’m tired, I think it’s good that all the voices are being heard.  Two-thirds of us, and I hesitate to say, the two thirds who were affected the most by adoption, were never heard from at all for a very long time.  God bless the internet, it has its downsides but my aren’t we talking now in a way we have NEVER talked before.  The conversation was one-sided for way too long.